Confessions

Been a while since I worked through the night. Luckily, I slept for almost the entire month so I’m nice and chill about it. I knit better when I’m tired anyway. It’s hard to sit still so long when the sun is awake.

* I started a pair of really cute lil gloves over the summer. That was me trying to plan for winter stock. They’re still not done.

* I’m pretty sure I’m ADD. I’ve always been like this but, it wasn’t really a thing when I was growing up. I was just the kid who always “lacked discipline”. I was a pretty dedicated athlete though so…explain that one.

* Once upon a time depression wasn’t a thing but now people have to admit that one. It’s almost an epidemic. Now tell me unicorns aren’t real…I know I secretly kinda think they are. Legit.

* By this point in my life it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m the boss now. I’ve got my ways. I secretly kinda wish I could afford an assistant or something to clean up the tornado tracks I make but…cest la vie.

* One of my ways is to watch Top Model on Hulu when I’m forced to sit and do tedious work. Go ahead and snort sarcastically…it’s entertaining. Not in the way they want it to be but trust me…hilarious. Keeps me from raging about how bored I am. Plus I’ve already watched all the Orange is the New Black. Three times, actually.

* It reminds me of the sister I’m missing so much right now. I write her letters in my head all day long. I’ve started to push the whole “I need a phone!” Issue with Hub It’s time…I need her.

* The timing is good too because next week…the big Three Oh for yours truly. I’m very chill about that too, though no one seems to believe me when I say it. It’s a law I guess that I should be devastated. I didn’t get the memo. Let’s be logical about this for a sec:

I am now too old to be a model or a ballerina. Dear God! Should I kill myself now, or 20 years ago when I still didn’t give a shit?

It’s an ugly sounding number. I’m gonna look it up in other languages to see if it sounds better.

I honestly wouldn’t trade 30 for 20 if the unicorns granted me wishes. I was an idiot at 20. I not only know that now but am confident enough to admit it. I never thought about myself at 20. Not constructively anyway. I was a wrecking ball.

I don’t waste time on regrets or with wanting things I can’t have or with dwelling on the past. I think maybe this is the trap people fall for with this particular birthday. Gee whiz it ain’t over til it’s over people. Don’t be lazy. You kinda have to keep breathing so…do something! Just sayin.

I’ve consistently forgotten my own birthday every year since my oldest was born. I’d have forgotten this one too if people didn’t love to tease me about it. Maybe I’ll pretend to cry next time and they’ll be satisfied and shut up.

My mother turned 40 the year I turned 17. You never look more perfect than you do at 17 it’s just a fact. I watched as this slowly drove her insane and mourned the loss. She’s a natural beauty. She just over thinks shit. She wasted that entire year trying to pull off stealing my clothes and bleaching that gorgeous mahogany hair. Silly.

I got a lil sad a couple years ago when I realized I couldn’t pull off ballerina pink lipgloss anymore. I guess that was my 30. It lasted a whole 5 minutes and then I discovered that coral and orange are much better on me anyway. Le sigh.

Xoxo

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