In My Defense…

This is me responding to a surprise attack from Hubs dad. I had no idea he’d been reading but apparently I didn’t care. It’s long because each paragraph is a response to one in his initial comment. I don’t remember this event specifically, it was a bruise I’d gotten used to avoiding. I like how I just came at him head on though. I’m keeping it here to remind myself that he didn’t scare me back then.

I don’t have those intense feelings about church anymore because I never did go back and the wounds have faded. If you do like church and or claiming the label Christian, you’ll wanna skip this one. I was a hurt lil girl. But I do make some valid points. I no longer care if people identify with one label or another. I learned to be open minded a few years after all this and for that I’m grateful.
But I have to keep this.
The WBC I’m referring to is the infamous Westboro Baptist Church. I was very up to date on current events. I have since given that up too. I like the memory of that part of me though…no matter how misguided I may have been. That’s not the point for me.

I think you might have misunderstood what I was trying to say about the Church. Well, more than likely I just didn’t vocalize my point very well. I had a feeling I should let Hub write about this one, because as I said in my post, my wounds tend to get in the way of my real point. I probably won’t end up getting my point across with this either, but I really felt the need to respond to your comment. I’ll do the best I can…

Yes, we’ve all made mistakes and God knows I have sizeable wounds from people in my family, too. The difference is family will love you no matter what. The church is supposed to, but they don’t. It seems to me they don’t even try. See, you might feel as if you caught leprosy after the divorce but by the way the church has treated me, I was born with it. My poor mother tried, but we were never (really) accepted anywhere. I could name 4 or 5 churches that held this prejudice against us. I had one teacher tell me that mom was going to hell because she rode a motorcycle. They didn’t like the way she dressed, talked, the fact that she was a young, single mother, the ugly things in her past. I was 7 years old! Escaping them was the fact that she single handedly drug two screaming kids (and later, teenagers) to church every week despite all her short comings. Or the fact that she worked two jobs six days a week, and still decided to get up early on her day off and volunteer in the nursery center. Getting members with “ideal” situations to volunteer with the babies is like pulling teeth. They should have made her a saint. This is only the tip of the ice burg as far as the hurt the church has put on my family and myself. Maybe my real problem is not that I don’t want to be a Christian, but the fact that they never will accept me as one. But I don’t think so.

I will always identify with, and have more compassion for, the people of the world. Somebody has to.

And that is why I think Christians believe themselves to be perfect. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be so judgmental of other people. Its like, do they think Jesus only saved them? Dare I say they are almost as bad as WBC because they think they know who deserves salvation, and who doesn’t.

While I think I have plenty of reasons not to like Christians based on what they have done to me in the past, I know that I probably shouldn’t judge them as a group. A little black boy tried to kill me on the bus when I was in elementary school. I don’t hold any judgment against the entire black race because of it, but I probably won’t put my kids on a school bus. I just refuse to knowingly put my child in a place where he will be hurt. I feel the same about Sunday school.

Our baby definitely has less of a chance of being wounded in church because of the name he has. I honestly don’t see that as a positive, I think it only further proves my point of everything that is wrong with the place. Hub and I do see this as a problem, and we will be teaching him from home. No worries there.

I tried to make it clear in my post that my love has only changed for the better. I spent some time being angry at God, as I think most of us have, but I realized that it wasn’t his fault that people were bad. I do think that’s the real problem, people are just bad. I don’t see the point of church anyway, and if bad people are running it, going around doing hurtful things in the name of God, then I choose not to be a part of it.

The fact that some of your friends ditched you due to your personal problems troubles me on two levels. The fact that they claim to be friends, and yet are only there for the good times, and the fact that they claim to be Christians, but only love you when they agree with what you’re doing. I can’t imagine a good excuse for these people. Why is it that people with no “Higher Moral Code” are more accepting of human nature, than the people who claim to love the One who created it? Why is it that Christians feel they need to judge what Jesus himself won’t? Isn’t it fair to say that you repented for any actions you may have done, as well as my mother and anyone else who is saved? And yet you are both treated as if you still have blood on your hands! I’m sorry, but I don’t get it. It might not be the whole church, but its enough of it.

You say you don’t want people to judge Christianity by you, but the fact is that they do. Aren’t they “Jesus to the world” or however its said? If we aren’t supposed to judge Christianity by Christians, then what DO we measure it with? Christians ARE supposed to be representative of Christ, and if the majority of those who have had contact with them believe them to be judgmental and exclusive, than that is how they are going to view Christ. And you can’t say that’s not true, based on what people generally have to say about God, when asked. I honestly believe that’s why a lot of people today will simply tell you that God doesn’t exist. It’s just less painful to believe He isn’t there than that He is, but He just doesn’t like you. The booth thing was a good start, Christians need to apologize to the world about A LOT. I can’t apologize for the whole Christian community, and I refuse to have to continually apologize for them, especially if they don’t believe they need apologizing for. I figure if I don’t associate myself, I don’t have to apologize for anything but myself.

My point in the “Church or not to Church” post was what was in that article, if you read it. In all honesty, I never meant to write everything else that I wrote. The truth is I need to get the stuff that happened to me off of my chest sometimes, and I really hate talking about it because then physical emotions come up, and I can no longer express myself. I guess if you really want to know why Hub and I don’t go, you should read the article, not my BS.

And as far as the WBC post goes, I was really just trying to poke fun at them. I had a pretty good feeling the Baptist associations either didn’t know or didn’t take part in what they were doing with their stupid website. In fact, in my email I asked for the name of their pastor and the Baptists groups they associate themselves with, but I never got a response.

In the end, I don’t see it as a crime that I won’t use a worldly title (created by man) to describe myself. If it’s offensive to people that I don’t use this title, or they start to worry about me, they should know its a wasted effort. It’s like I never have to go around calling myself “Wife” or insisting on “Mrs.” for people to know that I love my husband. It should be obvious in the way I act. And it’s probably none of their business if they have to wonder. In all honesty, would you rather have someone SAY they love you, or would you rather have them SHOW it?

The important thing I think people tend to miss when they get wrapped up in traditions and labels, is that Hub and I Are good people, we intend to raise our baby the same, and we are probably gonna go to heaven. What else matters?



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