Beard Envy

All he wants for Christmas is a beard.

Actually, he wanted it in July but I did him a favor and waited til Christmas to deliver.

Here’s the story.

Dad shows up in the middle of the day with cold French fries, some google print outs, two balls of thick wool yarn, and some plastic stuff that’s probably for diy rug making. It’s most certainly not supposed to go on your face.

“I want a beard.” He says as he tosses this batch of sundry my way.

Nobody likes cold fries. I threw those away and looked at the pictures. They were random old biker dudes with…beards I guess but really they were more like face ponytails…


Something like that.

“Who’s this?”

“I googled ‘biker beard'”


And all through the summer he asked about his beard.

“Dad, you really don’t want a big wool beard on your face right now. Trust me.”

Now that it’s Christmas, I guess I’d better deliver.

Ugh…I’m so bad at math though. This is why I don’t write my own patterns. Nothing could be easier than crochet and no crochet could (technically) be easier than this.

And yet…

Three hours I’ve been at this.

“Hub, try it again please. How does this feel?”


“It’s yarn on your face Hub it’s not ever gonna feel good. I mean the fit.”

“Oh. Then no. It’s a little tight.”

Sigh. If I didn’t love him…

But I do.

Back to the drawing board.



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