It started when one of them gave their kid a drum set.
The kid drums and drums for hours straight. The buses come to drop off all the lil street angels around 3:30 and he runs off (to the shed? The back yard? It’s so loud it’s just gotta be outside somewhere) sits down to his drums and doesn’t quit until 9 or 10 at night. Later on the weekend.
I think the doctor recommended Ritalin but the parents were all…nah. Drums.
A few weeks later their next door neighbor (directly across the street from us) got a rooster.
Not just any rooster. I think this one must be disabled or something. He cares nothing for the sun or any of the rooster rules. He goes off all day and night. Every day and night.
Maybe he was dropped as an egg.
Fast forward to the present. Christmas time, oh joy! What do you suppose such courteous, thoughtful neighbor might do to demonstrate their festivity?
Why, they’d hang a million damn lights that’s what!
The first guy, Drums are My Anti-Drug guy, sets his up first. Of course he does. He doesn’t pick a theme or anything he just vomits lights all over his front lawn. Couple of rainbow bushes, some giant inflatable (glowing) snowmen, reindeer distractedly grazing on the dead grass…It’s like maybe, many years ago, they started with a set and added more as pieces of the original died out (or were stolen by the sleep deprived neighbors). Now it’s just this montage of horror. And I love lights. We don’t hang them outside, but they’re all over the inside of the house. There’s a tasteful way and then there’s…that.
Anyway, not to be outdone, The Lame Cock guy (Lol!) vomits twice on his lawn. Two sets of everything the other guy has and then some.
God hates me.
I guess that’s what I get for grumbling about the street light. It’s just, I’m sorry, but I’m a human person with eyes and I need darkness to sleep.
For Christmas one guy will get his kid fireworks and the other will retaliate with nuclear weaponry.
But at least there won’t be anymore lights.